


(4) Unread Messages

by wildeisms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Group chat, I wrote this bc I wanted something cute and pure and queer for Pride Month, Loki & Peter Parker Friendship, M/M, Multi, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other, Revengers, Revengers Friendship, Texting, Trans Peter Parker, everyone is bi, genderqueer Loki, general silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2020-04-11 11:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19108474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildeisms/pseuds/wildeisms
Summary: Loki: what is this?Thor: This is a group chat! It allows us to communicate even when apart as if we were all together! The Spider Boy told me of them!Loki: so I’m to be subjected to you all no matter where I am? awful.Thor: :(





	1. Loki

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm joining the endless trend of people writing group chat fics, if only to get some silliness and conversation ideas out of my brain. This was written in Pride Month, so expect some strong queer content in among the silliness.

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde created a new group**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde added Thor Odinson and Bruce Banner**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde named the group REVENGERS**   
  


**Valkyrie** : guess what fuckers princess shuri taught me about group chats so now we’re going to have one

**Thor** : This is wonderful!   
  


**Thor Odinson added Loki Loki**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde removed Loki Loki**

**Thor Odinson added Loki Loki**   
  


**Valkyrie** : fine stay

**Bruce** : Anyway… you’ve been talking to Shuri?

**Bruce** : I love her

**Valkyrie** : she’s my favourite human now sorry bruce

**Bruce** : Fair, honestly

**Thor** : She’s the Princess of Wakanda, correct?

**Valkyrie** : that’s her

**Valkyrie** : I’d die for her tysm

**Loki** : what is this?

**Thor** : This is a group chat! It allows us to communicate even when apart as if we were all together! The Spider Boy told me of them!

**Loki** : so I’m to be subjected to you all no matter where I am? awful.

**Thor** : :(

**Valkyrie** : wait I almost forgot

  
**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Bruce Banner’s nickname to green friend**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Thor Odinson’s nickname to literal king**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed their nickname to beer queen**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Loki Loki’s nickname to snakeboy**   
  


**green friend** : Seriously?

**beer queen** : it’s accurate   
  


**Loki Loki changed Loki Loki’s nickname to loki**

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Loki Loki’s nickname to snakeboy**

**Loki Loki changed Loki Loki’s nickname to loki** ****  
  


**beer queen** : ?

**loki** : what?

**beer queen** : y tho

**loki** : because I didn’t like it

**beer queen** : y not

**loki** : because

**beer queen** : rude   
  


**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Loki Loki’s nickname to snakeboy**

**Loki Loki changed Loki Loki’s nickname to loki**

**Thor Odinson changed Loki Loki’s nickname to God of Mischief** ****  
  


**God of Mischief** : this is more acceptable   
  


**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Loki Loki’s nickname to god of mischief** ****  
  


**beer queen** : gotta be lowercase man

**literal king** : Why?

**beer queen** : aesthetic, apparently

**god of mischief** : aesthetic

**beer queen** : I don’t know but shuri told me

**beer queen** : wow ok I have the same opinion as lackey here ew

**god of mischief** : pretending not to know my name again is not as clever as you think

**beer queen** : whatever

**beer queen** : why’s your name loki loki on here anyway

**god of mischief** : I have no other name and this pointless website required two

**literal king** : Odinson

**god of mischief** : no

**literal king** : Loki, please

**god of mischief** : no

**literal king** : You are my brother and our father’s son

**god of mischief** : no

**literal king** : Am I not your brother?

**god of mischief** : shut up

**green friend** : At least he didn’t say no again?

**god of mischief** : banner? perish

**literal king** : Loki!

**god of mischief** : it’s a joke

**god of mischief** : peter taught me

**beer queen** : whomst

**literal king** : The Spider Boy! He is friends with Princess Shuri, I believe, and works alongside Mr Stark

**god of mischief** : he’s not the worst

**literal king** : He and Loki have become friends and he is a wonderful influence!

**god of mischief** : I will stab you with a serrated knife

**green friend** : Clearly not that wonderful

**literal king** : At least he rarely commits actual murder anymore

**god of mischief** : annoy me enough and I will

**green friend** : This may be why some people think you’re psychotic

**god of mischief** : I Do Not Care

**literal king** : I thought that capitalisation was not allowed because of “aesthetic”

**god of mischief** : that is Aesthetic Capitalisation(TM)

**beer queen** : I hate that I’m saying this but mood

**green friend** : How does a 1000+ year old alien sound so much like a Gen Z kid?

**literal king** : What are those?

**beer queen** : *damn daniel voice*

**literal king** : I do not understand

**green friend** : It’s ok Thor, neither do I

**beer queen** : ur all uncultured

**literal king** : I will adjust to Midgardian culture soon, I’m sure! Perhaps the Spider Boy can help me in the same way he has assisted my brother?

**god of mischief** : no

**literal king** : Why not?

**god of mischief** : because

**beer queen** : bitch

**green friend** : Why do I feel like the only adult in this chat?

**literal king** : Rather ironic, given that you are in one way the youngest

**green friend** : In one way?

**literal king** : In terms of rotations around a sun, you may be the youngest, but in terms of the percentage of our respective lifespans which has elapsed, Loki would be the youngest. If he were a human, I believe he would be around nineteen or twenty.

**green friend** : Seriously?

**god of mischief** : thor? P E R I S H

**beer queen** : aww the baby’s mad

**green friend** : Does that mean that he invaded New York in a fit of teenage angst?

**literal king** : There were multiple other factors, but that may have been one of them. The mind control and abuse he suffered at the hands of Thanos likely contributed more significantly, though.  
  
  
**Loki Loki has left the chat  
**   
  
**beer queen** : yikes

**literal king** : I’ll check on him

* * *

 

**Text message - Thor to Loki**

 

**_Brother, I am sorry. It was not my intention to upset you._ **

**_I can see that you have read the previous message. Please respond to me._ **

**_I would like to know you are alright._ **

_ alright? _

_ you think it acceptable to reveal personal information about me to others? _

_ to mention the name of that being when you know I will see it? _

**_I was not thinking. I apologise deeply for hurting you._ **

_ go away before I stab you _

 

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

  
  
**green friend** : Is Loki okay?

**literal king** : I’m afraid I do not know. He will not speak to me beyond expressing anger. But he is correct and I was wrong to reveal elements of his past without his permission.

**beer queen** : should I add him back?

**literal king** : He needs time to recover and yet I do not want to make him feel unwanted. If only he did not hold his emotions so close until they become too intense for him to handle.

**green friend** : That is, as the kids say, a big mood, though

**beer queen** : you do have culture!!!

**green friend** : Peter has taught me some things

**beer queen** : I need to meet this kid

 

* * *

 

**Text message - Loki to en dwi <3**

 

**_my brother is an ignorant, irritating oaf_ **

_ What did he do now? _

**_he violated my privacy_ **

_ Yikes… Wanna come over? _

**_sex doesn’t fix everything, you know_ **

_ Who said anything about sex? _

_ But now that you mention it…  _

_ It might take your mind off things ;) _

**_you’re impossible_ **

_ You love me <3 _

**_unfortunately_ **

_ Ouch ( > o < ) _

**_ass_ **

_ Yes please ;) _

_ But seriously, if your psychic lover can manage not to violate your privacy, I’m pretty sure your brother can too _

**_you would think so_ **

**_and yet he treats my trauma as if it is his story to tell, even when he knows less than half of it_ **

**_if I don’t wish to share it, that should be my decision_ **

_ Come over, Lolo. We can cuddle and avoid talking about your trauma _

_ Or you can tell me everything I don’t already know. Your call, honey _

**_Ok_ **

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

 

**Valkyrie Brunnhilde added Loki Loki**   
  


**beer queen** : ok so u don’t have to talk to us rn but ur added back for whenever u do

  
**Valkyrie Brunnhilde changed Loki Loki’s nickname to emo twink**   
  


**literal king** : What is emo and what is a twink?

**beer queen** : loki is both

**literal king** : That does not explain much

**beer queen** : don’t worry about it

 

* * *

 

**Direct message: Loki Loki and Peter Parker**

 

**Loki** : I need your knowledge

**Peter** : sure thing!! what’s up?

**Loki** : what do the words emo and twink mean?

**Peter** : gkkdfsdddas

**Peter** : oh my god

**Loki** : what?

**Peter** : ok so

**Peter** : emo is like… goth-punk but with more angst

**Peter** : and twink is a usually gay man whos kind of skinny and androgynous or effeminate

**Peter** : and like whoever called u an emo twink is,,, not wrong lmao that’s ur aesthetic

**Loki** : is it an insult?

**Peter** : no?? I mean I guess it could be but mostly not

**Loki** : I am still confused as to the meaning of emo, though

**Peter** : google image search it n u will see

**Loki** : would I not need to wear my hair over one eye to be considered emo?

**Peter** : ajsghdh not necessarily

**Peter** : the rest is still ur aesthetic

**Loki** : I rarely wear makeup and have no metal stuck in my face

**Peter** : stiLL

**Loki** : fine

**Peter** : ur my favorite emo twink

**Loki** : on the topic of ‘twinks’

**Peter** : shjdgsd iconic sentence tysm

**Loki** : are all twinks completely gay and completely male?

**Peter** : idk tbh

**Peter** : I don’t think women can be twinks but bi/pan def guys can and actually I think any guys can?? and probs some nb ppl but who knows

**Peter** : established queer culture doesn’t always account for stuff outside the gender binary

**Peter** : I can ask mj tho she knows this stuff more

**Peter** : btw I never actually asked lol me @ myself bad friend

**Peter** : but what pronouns do u use?

**Peter** : I use he/him but most ppl assume that correctly these days so I don’t usually say it but it’s still good to when u ask safely can!!

**Peter** : loki?

**Loki** : I’m not sure I am aware enough to answer that question

**Loki** : midgardian concepts of gender are confusing

**Loki** : then again asgardian concepts of gender are also confusing

**Peter** : bigass mcfuckin mood

**Peter** : well earth/midgard gender 101 at least in the west is like… we assign a gender based on a drs opinion of a babys genitals which is kinda weird when u think about it oof

**Peter** : that’s usually penis=boy vagina=girl but if it isn’t one of those two drs will usually do surgery to make it one or the other which is kinda fucked up if it’s just for cosmetic reasons

**Peter** : then like some ppl r just like what no wrong choice n they’re transgender, which means they identify as not the one the dr said

**Peter** : mostly they’re either a boy or a girl but some ppl are nonbinary or genderqueer where they’re like um I’m neither a boy or a girl tysm

**Peter** : sometimes those people get like medical stuff to make their body look different so they’re more comfy n also so ppl don’t call them the wrong gender bc that’s not a fun time, most change name n how they want to be referred to n often how they dress n stuff n that’s called transition

**Peter** : and sometimes we get shit for it but it’s better than it was so that’s p nice

**Loki** : I see

**Loki** : so midgard has the option to be neither male nor female?

**Peter** : yep!! in ny u can even get it officially on ur id that ur neither which is p rad

**Loki** : interesting

**Peter** : there r a lot of ways to be nb/genderqueer like some ppl have no gender at all n some ppl r a third gender n some ppl have both or a mix of two or more n some ppl r fluid

**Loki** : are there people who are a mix of two or more and fluid?

**Peter** : I think so!!

**Loki** : and how would one refer to those people?

**Peter** : genderqueer or non-binary and genderfluid I think? or just yknow their names 

**Peter** : but if u mean pronouns wise they can use any they want!! they/them is probs the most common but some ppl use xe/xir she/her or he/him or a bunch of others I can’t think of rn or will change which one they use depending on how they feel or just say yo use any pronouns 

**Loki** : so midgardians can claim he, she and they as acceptable for one individual?

**Peter** : yeah!! some ppl r dicks about it tho but they suck so who cares

**Loki** : I have an answer to your earlier question

**Peter** : yeah?

**Loki** : I use he, she, or they pronouns. Occasionally I’ll favour one group over the others and in those situations will try to indicate it in my appearance but most of the time, any of those are accurate

**Loki** : I am genderqueer

**Peter** : that’s awesome!! ty for telling me

**Loki** : thank you for explaining the midgardian concepts of gender to me

**Peter** : np!! do u want me to use she or they in front of other ppl or to keep it quiet n only use he/him for u?

**Loki** : I don’t know

**Loki** : I have only told a very small number of people that I am both and neither in fluctuating degrees, not even thor knows

**Peter** : I’ll keep it quiet for now but lmk if u want me to change that

**Peter** : but it can be nice to hear someone use ur pronouns if most ppl don’t use them regularly so if u want I can do that in like an audio message for u?

**Peter** : idk if it’s different bc u still do use he/him but it was nice for me

**Loki** : I have used my shapeshifting abilities enough to have everyone around me call me she before, but En is the only person to ever call me they

**Peter** : omg I forgot ur a shapeshifter that is like every trans persons dream superpower

**Loki** : I admit it is useful

**Peter** : [audio message: Peter saying “Loki has awesome shapeshifting powers so they can change their body and look however they want. I’m kind of jealous of them because that’s so awesome”]

**Peter** : loki?

**Peter** : u ok?

**Loki** : yes

**Loki** : thank you, peter

**Loki** : [audio message: En saying “Do I just talk into- Hey! Hi! It’s me, En Dwi, but you can call me the Grandmaster, if you, er- anyway! You made my Lo-lo cry what they assured me are happy tears, so, uh, thanks for-hey!”. This last part is muffled by the sound of the phone being wrestled for until the clip cuts out]

**Peter** : omg

**Peter** : I’m  s o f t

**Peter** : also omg ur partner calls u lolo that’s adorable

**Loki** : use that or tell anyone and I’ll kill you, no matter how soft you are

**Peter** : I’m sworn to secrecy dw mx loki

**Loki** : mx?

**Peter** : it’s like mr or ms but for nb and genderqueer ppl

**Peter** : I can use a diff title if u want??

**Loki** : absolutely not

**Peter** : ok mx loki uwu

**Loki** : what does uwu mean?

**Peter** : gdfkdgdf

**Peter** : uwu isn’t a word it’s a feeling

**Peter** : I mean its technically an emoticon of a face but lmao who even reads it as one NOT ME BINCH

**Peter** : its like soft happiness and innocence and just… uwu

**Peter** : oop I gotta go may’s making pasta n I’m HYPED

**Peter** : peace out mx loki

**Loki** : thank you, peter


	2. Valkyrie

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**beer queen** : GIRLS

**literal king** : None of us are girls, I don’t understand?

**beer queen** : irrelevant bc GIRLS

**beer queen** : NONE of you told me there were WARRIOR GIRLS on midgard

**beer queen** : I had to find out from shuri

**beer queen** : she says to tell you that y’all are fake bitches and I think she’s right

**emo twink** : tea

**beer queen** : shut your fuck

**emo twink** : they killed her before she could finish her message, how tragic

**beer queen** : I said what I said dickhead

**beer queen** : did you know about this?

**emo twink** : depends on which warrior girls you mean

**beer queen** : there are MORE???

**literal king** : There are many remarkable women on Midgard, and plenty of those remarkable women are warriors!

**green friend** : val met the dora milaje

**beer queen** : they’re so amazing 

**beer queen** : JGIOGJDSK

**emo twink** : not even allspeak can translate that mess

**green friend** : they asked her to spar with them

**beer queen** : GDKHSJ

**green friend** : and one woman winked at her

**literal king** : How did you know that from those seemingly random letters?

**green friend** : I’m about ten feet away from her

**literal king** : Then why are you texting?

**green friend** : For your benefit, mostly

**emo twink** : it is not a benefit to be bombarded with inane messages

**beer queen** : says the triple texter

**emo twink** : look in a mirror bc you sent four consecutive messages to this chat less than five minutes ago

**beer queen** : yes bc GIRLS

 

**Bruce Banner changed Valkyrie Brunnhilde’s nickname to Too Gay To Function**

**Loki Loki changed Valkyrie Brunnhilde’s nickname to too gay to function**

 

**too gay to function** : I hate that the emo twink is the only one here who understands the aesthetic lowercase

**emo twink** : more importantly, can we address the fact that banner has seen mean girls?

**literal king:** Brother, what are you talking about? Which girls are being unpleasant?

**emo twink** : it’s the name of a movie

**emo twink** : it was part of my ‘cultural education’ from the spiderling

**emo twink** : and it is the origin of the phrase ‘too gay to function’

**green friend** : Honestly I just heard Scott use it before and I thought it applied here

**emo twink** : this is why I like scott more than you

**green friend** : you barely know him

**emo twink** : true but he appreciates a joke, fed me, and has seen mean girls, three things I can’t say about you

**too gay to function** : get off his dick

**emo twink** : please, I have a better dick to be on

**literal king:** STOP

**too gay to function** : alright don’t rub it in bitch

**too gay to function** : you have a partner and none of the rest of us do, we know

**green friend** : Hey, you might be about to if you get on well enough with the Dora Milaje ladies

**too gay to function** : you always know how to make me feel better brucie <3

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**too gay to function** : sorry losers but I have new best friends now

**emo twink** : only best friends?

**too gay to function** : just bc I like girls doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with them

**too gay to function** : I also like guys but I’d rather die than fuck any of you

**emo twink** : the feeling is mutual

**literal king** : I don’t know whether or not to be offended

**emo twink** : I really hope that was intended for valkyrie

**literal king** : Don’t be disgusting, of course it was, brother

* * *

 

**Direct message: Loki Loki and Peter Parker**

**Loki** : I crave the sweet release of death

**Peter** : lmao mood but why

**Loki:** I would prefer not to be called anything too masculine at the moment

**Loki** : and you’ve given me these ridiculous ideas about telling thor that I’m genderqueer so he’d stop calling me ‘brother’

**Peter** : why’s that ridiculous

**Loki** : only three people get to know about my feelings and we’re already nearing maximum capacity

**Peter** : you told me tho

**Loki** : your point?

**Peter** : omg

**Peter** : I  A M S O F T

**Peter** : mx loki I would DIE for you

**Loki** : I’d rather you killed me

**Peter** : bc you want to die or bc you don’t want me to die

**Loki** : yes

**Peter:** that’s the perfect mix of edgy and soft I love it tysm

**Peter:** that’s ur brand

**Loki:** I’m never soft

**Peter:** sure man

**Peter:** *JAN I was trying to meme not misgender u fdfsh I’m so sorry 

**Loki:** accepted but I’m still not soft

**Loki:** I am only capable of being even slightly soft towards you, en, and the memory of my mother

**Loki:** no one else 

**Peter:** fbdjf mx loki I love u

**Peter:** you remind me of mj sometimes which reminds me

**Peter** : you don’t have to have a super deep heart to heart convo to come out u kno

**Peter** : she came out as bi by posting a meme in the chat and frankly we stan

**Loki** : interesting

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**emo twink** : announcement

**emo twink** : I am genderqueer

**emo twink** : end of announcement

**literal king** : What does this mean?

**emo twink** : you can read

**literal king** : Yes I can, but I do not know the meaning of the word ‘genderqueer’. 

**emo twink:** must I do everything for you?

**emo twink** :  [ https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/genderqueer ](https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/genderqueer)

**emo twink:** no further questions

**green friend** : Thanks for sharing, Loki

**too gay to function** : rad

**emo twink** : no insult? are you becoming fond of me, valkyrie?

**too gay to function** : no I’m just not going to insult you for being genderqueer

**too gay to function** : unrelated to that, you’re a whiny, melodramatic little bitch

**emo twink** : persih

**too gay to function** : persih

**emo twink** : die

**too gay to function** : surprised you can spell that tbh

**emo twink** : I’m on a good no-stabbing streak, don’t make me break it

**literal king** : LOKI

**emo twink** : what?

**literal king** : Stop the threats and return to the discussion at hand

**literal king** : I am still not sure I understand

**emo twink** : I said no further questions

**green friend** : Technically that’s the same question, not a further one.

**emo twink** : fine

**emo twink** : I am not male or female. I am both and neither, somewhere in between in fluctuating degrees.

**literal king** : How does that work?

**emo twink** : I just am

**emo twink** : practically, you can refer to me as ‘he’ ‘she’ or ‘they’ most of the time, but I sometimes have a preference

**too gay to function** : do you have a preference rn?

**emo twink** : of the three, they is probably my current preference

**too gay to function:** ok cool

**emo twink:** are you sure you’re not turning soft, valkyrie?

**too gay to function** : never now shut the fuck up

**emo twink** : that’s the valkyrie I know and barely tolerate

**too gay to function** : bitch

**emo twink** : asshole

**too gay to function** : whore

**emo twink** : what if I am?

**literal king** : LOKI

**emo twink** : what now?

**literal king** : Did you forget I am in this chat?

**emo twink** : no I just don’t care

**too gay to function** : sorry your highness but that is in fact valid

* * *

 

**Text message - Okoye to Valkyrie of Asgard**

**_You fought well today. We have another woman from another world who we expect to visit us tomorrow. You would be welcome to join our training. Okoye_ **

_ I would love to! It was an honour to spar with you! _

_ You’re remarkable _

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**too gay to function** : sorry guys and gay but I need to leave this planet right now

**literal king** : Are you alright? What has happened?

**too gay to function** : Okoye, leader of the dora milajie, texted me

**too gay to function** : idek how she got my number

**too gay to function** : and I have definitely made an ass out of myself

**too gay to function** : I need a drink

**green friend** : I’m sure it wasn’t that bad!

**too gay to function** : [screenshot41.png]

**emo twink** : that’s not as entertainingly embarrassing as I was expecting

**green friend** : Yeah, honestly, that’s fine

* * *

 

**Text message - Okoye to Valkyrie of Asgard**

**_I am flattered, though I believe you will appreciate the fighting style of Captain Danvers even more. She fights as an individual, much like you._ **

_ What do you mean? _

**You used to fight as a component in something more than yourself, but you have stopped. You fight as yourself only.**

* * *

 

**Direct message: Valkyrie Brunnhilde and Bruce Banner**

**Valkyrie** : how can this woman see into my fucking soul??

**Valkyrie** : [screenshot42.png]

**Bruce** : At this point, I just accept any and all weird shit, so maybe she literally can read your mind

**Valkyrie** : I’ve had my mind read, I don’t think she did. Loki can do it if he wants and his sugar daddy is telepathic. Besides, can midgardians even do that kind of magic?

**Bruce** : I’m Midgardian and I turn into a giant green rage monster. I’m also pretty sure Tony met a wizard.

**Bruce** : Also just saying, I’m putting the ‘Loki can read minds’ thing aside to unpack later.

**Valkyrie** : you’d know if he read your mind, you can feel it when he does it. his way is magic not true telepathy

**Bruce** : That’s only sort of encouraging.

**Bruce** : Maybe this Okoye lady is just really observant, Sherlock Holmes style?

**Valkyrie** : what style

**Bruce** : Sherlock Holmes. He’s a fictional detective created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. His abilities in deductive reasoning and observation helped him solve crimes.

**Valkyrie** : so you think Okoye is like that?

**Bruce** : I don’t know, maybe.

**Valkyrie:** you’re supposed to know things

**Bruce:** None of my degrees are in linguistics or psychology, this is not my area. Why don’t you ask Shuri? She knows Okoye.

**Valkyrie:** bc I care what she thinks of me

**Bruce:** Should I feel insulted?

**Valkyrie:** up to you tbh

**Valkyrie:** I mean you already know I’m cooler than you

**Bruce:** I’m cool!

**Valkyrie:** you wear cardigans

**Bruce:** Is that a fashion critique? I think you’ve been spending too much time with Loki

**Valkyrie:** you take that back

**Bruce:** You like him really

**Bruce:** I mean them

**Valkyrie:** I hate them

**Valkyrie:** and I thought you did too

**Bruce:** I don’t even know anymore. They’re surprisingly ok when they’re not actively homicidal, and it seems like there was a whole thing behind their attempt to take over Midgard. But I don’t hate them and I don’t think you do either.

**Valkyrie:** why is everyone exposing me today

**Bruce:** I knew it.

**Valkyrie:** I guess they’re not the true worst person I’ve ever met

**Valkyrie:** but also when did you start calling it midgard instead of earth?

**Bruce:** I think I might be the one who’s spending too much time with you and Thor

**Valkyrie:** lmao

* * *

 

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**too gay to function:** good morning guys and gay I’m in love

**emo twink:** ew

**literal king:** With who? 

**too gay to function:** first of all fuck you loki

**too gay to function:** second of all her name is carol and she’s amazing

**too gay to function:** she’s gorgeous and funny and kicked my ass

**literal king:** She sounds incredible!

**emo twink:** that’s not hard I kicked your ass

**too gay to function:** hey loki have you ever considered not being a dick

**emo twink:** never

**too gay to function:** also you did not you cheated

**emo twink:** not my fault you don’t have any command of magic

**too gay to function:** you know who does?

**too gay to function:** carol

**green friend:** I’m really happy for you, Val

**literal king:** I would like to meet her!

**too gay to function:** back off even if she doesn’t like girls

**literal king:** Not in that way! She sounds like a remarkable person, that’s all. I assure you, my affections lie elsewhere.

**emo twink:** you’re not still besotted with jane, are you?

**emo twink:** move on

**green friend:** Are you not still dating her?

**emo twink:** she dumped him

**literal king:** It was a mutual thing.

**emo twink:** it was not

**literal king:** Be quiet, Loki

**too gay to function:** who’s jane?

**emo twink:** thor’s ex

**emo twink:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Foster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Foster)

**too gay to function:** hey thor if carol doesn’t like girls I’m hitting on your ex

**literal king:** I think she’s only interested in relationships with men, but understandable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the Wikipedia link doesn't work but in the MCU you know Jane would have her own Wikipedia page so


	3. Bruce

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**literal king** : [image261.png]

**literal king** : Stark has improved his gym! Who wants to spar with me?

**emo twink** : no

**too gay to function** : maybe but also I’ve decided that this stark has to let me in whenever I want now

**literal king** : You will like him! He is also incredibly confident and fond of indulging in drink, and almost as intelligent as Princess Shuri!

**literal king** : Bruce, would you like to join me in sparring?

**green friend** : I’m not sure it’s really my thing. That’s more the other guy’s remit.

**literal king** : Of course, that’s understandable! But if you decide you want a break from your work, come down and say hello!

**green friend** : Sure! And if you’re looking for a rest, you can always stop by.

**green friend** : If you want, I mean.

* * *

**Direct message: Bruce Banner and Tony Stark**

**Bruce** : I should have my PhDs revoked.

**Tony** : Is that even possible?

**Bruce** : I don’t know. I’m an idiot.

**Tony** : The only stupid thing about you is thinking you’re stupid

**Bruce** : And being a mess. I think I just hit on Thor. 

**Tony** : I didn’t know you were into Blondie the Beefcake

**Tony** : Actually I didn’t even know you were into dudes at all

**Bruce** : 80% of the time, I’m not.

**Tony** : I guess if you were going to pick a dude, Mr Heartthrob is a pretty good choice

**Bruce** : Are you sure you’re not into him?

**Tony** : What can I say? He’s a beautiful man and I appreciate beauty in all its forms.

**Tony** : Are you gonna ask him on a date?

**Bruce** : What?

**Bruce** : No

**Bruce** : No way

**Bruce** : I’m not the relationships type. It never works out.

**Bruce** : And besides, he probably doesn’t even like humans and even if he does, he won’t like men and even if he does, he won’t like me.

**Bruce** : The odds of this going well are infinitesimally small.  

**Tony** : Shoot your shot anyway

**Tony** : Test the hypothesis

**Bruce** : The hypothesis is that I will lose a friend and humiliate myself.

**Tony** : Disprove the hypothesis, then. Or at least do your prior research

**Bruce** : It’s a bad idea.

**Tony** : I’ll do it for you if you don’t

**Bruce** : NO

**Tony** : Your choice Brucey Bear

**Bruce** : Fine, I’ll do the research. But no promises beyond that.

**Tony** : Attaboy

* * *

**Direct message: Bruce Banner and Loki Loki**

**Bruce** : Hey, what’s up?

**Loki** : what do you want?

**Bruce** : Why do you think I want something?

**Loki** : you’ve never sent me a message outside of the group chat before

**Bruce** : I guess you got me. I just wanted to ask you something.

**Loki** : what about?

**Bruce** : Thor.

**Loki** : ask him yourself

**Bruce** : I can’t.

**Loki** : why not?

**Bruce** : I just can’t, okay? It’s all complicated.

**Loki** : so you ask me?

**Bruce** : You’re his brother.

**Loki** : I’m not

**Bruce** : What?

**Loki** : I’m his sibling

**Loki** : until further notice, I don’t want any masculine coded terms applied to me

**Loki** : feminine is acceptable but I’d prefer neutral until my state of mind changes again

**Bruce** : My bad, sorry.

**Loki** : I don’t know why me being thor’s sibling means you need to bother me

**Bruce** : What happened with him and Jane?

**Loki** : are you really seeking gossip from me?

**Bruce** : It’s not like that!

**Loki** : pity

**Loki** : I was almost impressed with you

**Bruce** : You wanted me to be trying to make you gossip? I really don’t understand you sometimes, Loki.

**Loki** : good

**Loki** : but to answer your earlier question, it’s all incredibly boring

**Loki** : she dumped him, but he hasn’t decided to enlighten me on exactly why, and I doubt she’d tell me

**Loki** : I do know that she likely wanted something she wasn’t getting from him, if the references to ‘different priorities and needs’ are anything to go by

**Bruce** : Right.

**Loki** : unrelated, en says hi

**Loki** : and some other things that I will not be relaying to you

**Bruce** : Sounds about right.

**Loki** : just don’t be surprised if he texts you since I told him he could contact you directly if he wants to flirt

**Bruce** : And you think he might actually follow through?

**Loki** : it wouldn’t surprise me

**Bruce** : How are you so ok with that?

**Loki** : he likes me best

**Loki** : and you seem far too boring and vanilla for him to take serious interest in anyway

**Bruce** : I’m torn between relief, resenting that, and wishing I knew less about your partner’s sexual interests

**Loki** : you flew a ship he used mostly for orgies, did you really think he’d be in any way vanilla?

**Bruce** : I really hate that.

**Loki** : the fact it happened or the fact I reminded you?

**Bruce** : Both.

**Loki** : good

**Bruce** : You’re the worst, you know that?

**Loki** : yes

* * *

**Direct message: En Dwi Gast and Bruce Banner**

**En Dwi** : hey gorgeous, what’s up? I haven’t seen that cute little ass of yours in a hot minute

**Bruce** : Seriously?

**En Dwi** : seriously, what’s up? if the answer’s ‘nothing’, I’ve got a few ideas how to pass the time… 

**Bruce** : Not happening.

**En Dwi** : shame. we couldve had some fun

**En Dwi** : let me know if you ever change your mind ;)

* * *

**Direct message: Bruce Banner and Loki Loki**

**Bruce** : You were right.

**Loki** : obviously

**Loki** : about what?

**Bruce** : Your boyfriend is an impossible flirt

**Loki** : I wouldn’t say impossible

**Bruce** : Only because you think he’s hot

**Loki** : frankly, I think anyone who doesn’t has incredibly bad taste, regardless of their usual preferences

**Bruce** : I’m not into old men, sue me

**Loki** : you wear cardigans, I already know you have bad taste

**Bruce** : They’re comfortable! Why is everyone attacking my outfits recently?

**Loki** : You know someone else with enough taste to tell you that they’re hideous?

**Bruce** : Val

**Loki** : I suppose even the most tasteless people have to be right sometimes, just out of pure statistical chance

**Bruce** : I’ll tell her you said that

**Loki** : I don’t even slightly care

* * *

**Group message: REVENGERS**

**too gay to function** : [image212.png]

**too gay to function** : can I just say that I have NEVER seen a more beautiful woman in my LIFE?

**literal king** : You two are adorable!

**emo twink** : you spelled disgusting wrong

**too gay to function** : jealous

**emo twink** : not in the slightest

**too gay to function** : hey @green friend where do I get a sword made on Midgard

**literal king** : You’re looking to gift her with a sword? 

**emo twink** : is it not too soon for that?

**too gay to function** : we’re not all royalty, princess

**emo twink** : if that’s an attempt to mock me, it’s failing

**emo twink** : I AM a princess.

**too gay to function** : but have you even been gifted weaponry yet?

**emo twink** : yes actually, en gave me a set of daggers.

**literal king** : YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT

**emo twink** : my relationship is none of your business

**green friend** : I feel like I’m missing something here

**literal king** : It is an Asgardian tradition! Giving a loved one a weapon of some kind is a sign of entering into serious courtship!

**green friend** : Interesting! So Val, you’re looking to date Carol?

**too gay to function** : damn right

* * *

**Direct message: Bruce Banner and Valkyrie Brunnhilde**

**Bruce** : Hey, can I ask you something?

**Valkyrie** : shoot

**Bruce** : How exactly do relationships work in Asgardian culture?

**Valkyrie** : why do you ask?

**Bruce** : I just realised it’s something I don’t know anything about, I want to fill the gaps in my knowledge, and as an Asgardian, I thought you were a good person to ask.

**Valkyrie** : why not bother Thor?

**Bruce** : He has a lot going on right now.

**Valkyrie** : and I don’t?

**Valkyrie** : lmao I’m messing with you dw

**Valkyrie** : it’s been a while since I’ve been on asgard but when I was there if an asgardian was looking to enter into serious courtship or marry, the approval of the family is important and usually both partners had to demonstrate their ability to provide

**Bruce** : “Demonstrate their ability to provide”? What does that involve?

**Valkyrie** : it depends tbh but usually they’d either show off their abilities in battle or a trade, or find a way to show off their wealth

**Valkyrie** : so they might make their partner something or kill for them or host a huge feast for them and their family

**Valkyrie** : but like we said earlier, they always exchange weapons, usually a sword

**Bruce** : Okay, so the ability to take care of your partner is important?

**Valkyrie** : yeah very

**Bruce** : And it’s fine for people of the same gender to date?

**Valkyrie** : kind of

**Valkyrie** : it would depend on status and even then it wasn’t always seen as the same level of legitimate

**Valkyrie** : if you’re a man, you can only usually be with someone of an equal or lower status. if you’re a woman, you can only usually be with someone of an equal or higher status. so for two women to marry or date, they had to be of equal status or else it’s seen as taboo, and even then their relationship would be questioned and seen as not really a true marriage/courtship bc no chance of babies, so it’s treated as a lesser form of marriage or courtship

**Valkyrie** : but if you were just lovers and it wasn’t official, you could pretty much get away with whatever, although you couldn’t be too open about breaking the status rules

**Valkyrie** : and the submissive partner had better be lower status or else that’s extra taboo

**Bruce** : That’s interesting. So status matters more than gender?

**Valkyrie** : yeah although gender relates to status, most of the highest ranking in every field were men

**Valkyrie** : even tho women are plenty capable of taking up masculine trades and positions

**Bruce** : How is status determined?

**Valkyrie** : connections to the throne reputation in battle or trade and wealth

**Valkyrie** : in that order bc if you have connections to the throne you’ll have reputation and wealth, and if you have reputation even without a connection you’ll have wealth

**Bruce** : I see.

**Valkyrie** : has that cured your curiosity?

**Bruce** : In some ways. It’s fascinating stuff.

**Valkyrie** : lmao nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive but barely


End file.
